i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
