woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
