in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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