If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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