it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
