If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize