I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
