It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
