We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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