Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize