When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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