i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
These tits shall not be calmed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
