He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize