She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
