mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
