My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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