No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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