I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
