what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
