drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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