It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
