she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
