I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
