worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
