i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
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The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
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I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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