five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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