there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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