I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
