dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
