He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
