i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it penis luge time yet?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
