Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
