Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
