Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't think brook has ever known best
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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