This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
