Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
