I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
