those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
