Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
