I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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