I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
