i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this just has baby written all over it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
