It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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