I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize