At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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