i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
