I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
