So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
