butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I would ride that face into the sunset
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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