I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
