If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
