So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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