i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
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Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
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And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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