Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
how does that bad decision feel?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
