Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize