you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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