i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize