i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
