Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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