If that was your dad, he is hot
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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