Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
