OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
